Actual label instructions on consumer goods
-
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) -
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?) -
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???...) -
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.) -
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
Don't turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!) -
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought????...) -
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?) -
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) -
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???...) -
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?) -
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) -
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash) -
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) -
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) -
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)